Kick the Amp Over

Dear Tennesseans,

Today I turned in my notice at work and within the next month will be heading to Nashville to stay indefinitely while looking for a job. (Unfortunately, this timing will not coincide with the brief visit of one Christopher Sean Moyer, which adds to my bitter dissatisfaction with my existence these days).

I have a couple interviews there and one or two good leads, but I’m really just looking to be back in Tennessee, period. Texas is Hell on Earth and Indiana, although a very underrated state and one of my favorite places, had nothing going for me (due to my own poor decisions, to be fair).

If anyone has any idea of places I can stay or places that will hire me (I need at least $9.00/hour and 40 hours a week and benefits would be helpful) please let me know.

I also have an interview in Chattanooga (Creative Discovery Museum, WOOO!!!), so let it be known that I am in no way opposed to moving back to the city I once described as my own personal Hell (this is, of course, before moving to North Texas for seven months).

I have no interview or leads in Knoxville but I sure as hell would go back. Many of you know I have cited it as my favorite city in Tennessee.

ANY HELP YOU CAN GIVE WOULD BE MUCH APPRECIATED. Please forgive me for my misguided attitudes towards the state and please help me undo the tiny huge mistake I made of leaving in the first place.

If you can help me, you will be pulling me out of what has literally been the worst year of my entire life by an enormous margin.

Thank you, fellow rednecks.

Love,
Greg

In no particular order, here are my five favorite restaurants in the United States.

1.)  Tommy’s Restaurant,  Cleveland, OH. 

I would drive the 20+ hours just to eat one of their falafel sandwiches.  It’s literally the best falafel I’ve ever had.  The bookstore/library/gift shop inside the restaurant is a wonderful plus, also.  I could hang out there all day.

2.)  The Grit.  Athens, GA.

Vegetarian versions of your favorite southern foods?!  Yes, please.

3.)  The Tomato Head.  Knoxville, TN.

Get all of your sandwiches on pita.  Get a sandwich that has pesto, and remember that the vegetarian options are infinitely better than anything with meat.  I never thought the comibation of baked tofu, sprouts, pineapple, pesto, and mozzerella cheese would be so satisfying, but it’s literally my favorite meal ever.

4.)  Lupi’s.  Chattanooga, TN.

Chattanooga isn’t exactly known for its amazing cuisine, but this is my favorite pizza ever.  The fact that I spent most of my life hanging out in this restaurant (the downtown one– not the Hixon Pike one) probably has something to do with this, but I’ve never seen anywhere that you can get two amazing, large slices of pizza for about $3.00. 

5.)  Bavarian Grill.  Dallas, TX.

The only place on my favorites list that is west of the Mississippi, Bavarian Grill could feed me until the day I die.  As I’m an ex-vegetarian, I only eat the finest of meats, especially sausage.  German food is very sausage heavy, yet I could eat BG all day.  The Germans really know how to cook.  And brew beer.

This weekend, from 7/11 until 7/13, I did something I haven’t done since I was roughly 12 years old.

I did not spend a single cent.

I spent money in the sense that I drove my car which used gas which is outrageously expensive these days, but what I mean is that my bank account did not change one bit for the entirity of the weekend.

Many people would consider this to be lame, and to a certain extent I agree with them.  But there’s a good reason for it– I simply can’t afford it.  I make enough money, I live with my parents so I don’t pay rent or utilities, but with the state of the economy there is absolutely no telling when I’ll have any chance to start making decent money on my own.  With 62,000 jobs lost in June 2008 alone, I’m lucky to even be underemployed.

This, my friends, is a fucked statement.

In fact, I know plenty of people who had internships recently, and whereas their companies usually hire (hypothetically) 25% of interns, the company ends up hiring 0% because they needed the free labor.

As a result of gas prices going up, the price of everything else has gone up.  A typical trip to the grocery store is more expensive than in recent years.  Milk is $6 a gallon.  Even beer prices are going up. So, it costs more money to travel to a store where it costs more money to purchase products.  We’re surrounded by increasing prices, diminishing wages and increased unemployment.

Therefore, I don’t feel like I can pour my money back into this fucked system, even though I know that lack of consumer confidence is hurting the system to begin with.

But, if I must look on the bright side, here are some things I’ve been doing recently to keep myself entertained for free:

1.)  Reading.  I’ll re-read books I already have, I’ll borrow books from friends, I’ll read articles on the internet (I do realize the internet isn’t always free, but I happen to have free access to it).  It’s a great way to pass the time.

2.)  Jogging.  Yes, Geroge W. Bush has fucked this country so hard that for recreation I do physical activity in the 101 degree DFW heat.  I guess I can thank George for getting me back in shape.  No, I won’t go that far.

3.)  Playing my old Nintendo 64.  You can’t get enough Goldeneye.  Even if you think you can, you simply can’t.

4.)  Netflix.  Okay, so this breaks the rule given that it costs money, but the cheapest unlimited plan is about $8 and with a shipping rate of 2 days, you can get in at least 10 movies a month if you try, which is completely worth it.

5.)  Playing the game Apples to Apples.  Again, this usually requires 2+ people and often those 2+ people have to travel to get to the playing venue, but might I recommend asking your neighbors.

6.)  Recording music.  I’ve taken on a musical project with a friend as a way for us to both entertain ourselves without spending money.  There are limitless free resources on the internet for the independent musician, and I recommend you check them out.

These are just a few examples.  Needless to say, this is a fucked period of time.

The year was 1995 and roller-blading (also known as “in-line skating”) was all the rage. Its popularity was climaxing after an assumed taking off period of an unknown length.

In search of sensory stimulation humans flocked to amusement parks. For maximum excitement, “in-line skates” were worn to travel about the recreational park. In case of accident, protective pads were worn on the knees and elbows. Because humans back then had such perfect equilibrium (thus allowing them to ride “roller coasters” which swung them about every which way without getting sick) protective head wear was unnecessary.

Feeling they had no creative outlet at these parks and that they spent the majority of their time there being externally stimulated, humans opted to dance in well-coreographed segments in parking lots during their down time. This brought them together and allowed them to express themselves as a whole.

Whereas their language was the same as ours, theirs was exclusively dictated in sonic, musical patterns, which we regard in present terms as an art form (albeit an weak one). The rising and falling of melodies combined with the driving force of the rhythm parallels the rising and falling of the roller coaster and the steady rolling of the “in-line skates” which is clearly an underlying connection in this home video.

Interestingly, humans decorated their bodies in ink at these parks as well, often with arbitrary terms as another form of creative self-expression. The body decorations resemble present day permanent decoration, perhaps foreshadowing a style yet to come or ironically running parallel to the seeming permanence of a video which survived the worst of all fates.

There is no record of terminology for the square-shaped color patterns on certain clothing seen in the video. It’s believed to be a short-lived fashion.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=hbsgDpT6Jnk

Much like everything that is nearest to my heart (classic rock, Tennessee, the Die Hard movies) I simultaneously love and despise the season of summer.

For example, heat pisses me off.  It’s irritating.  It makes being outside frustrating.  Instead of providing me with some distinct, cathartic feeling like fall or winter, it just makes white noise play in my head (and not in a satisfying Sonic Youth-esque manner).  If any of you hear that I finally went completely insane, I guarantee it took place during the summer.

But at the same time there’s something about the sweltering heat that entices outdoor activity, which is an enormous contradiction.

The entire summer activity concept is completely contradictory.  People go outside to soak up the sun, but lather themselves in frothy sunscreen to prevent their skin from abuse.

Then they play volleyball– the only sport that actually involves abusing your (sunscreen soaked) arms with a giant leather ball until working up a fierce sweat.

Then they get in the pool/ocean to cool down.

For some reason it’s exciting to drink beverages such as mimosas or margaritas by the pool or by the ocean while lying out in the sun, even though the heat wears you down and the alcohol dehydrates you.

It’d be a lot smarter to skip all of this and stay inside all summer, but I’ve got drinking by the pool to do.

Regardless, the best part of summer is knowing that football season is around the corner.

So far this summer I have seen The Fall (which technically came out a while ago, but was in theatres around here just recently) and Get Smart both of which were surprisingly satisfying.  Get Smart stayed true to the series even while being this summer’s formulaic comedy film, and The Fall is just outright beautifully shot.
Oh, yeah, and I saw The Promotion which is one of the most well-done comedies I’ve seen in recent times.

I’m probably going to see the Dark Knight, as well as Step Brothers even though I’m pretty sure it’s going to be stupid.

This post it mostly useless, but to give it some purpose, please share with me some of the excellent movies you have seen this summer.

People five years older than I am are literally my best friends.

People five years younger than I am seem like they’re from a different universe. I feel sorry for them and feel like society is completely deteriorating because of them.

What does this say about me? I’m more than a little horrified to find out.

“Do we have any more rice left I called you to ask but you didn’t pick up and I would’ve picked some up at the store on my way back but I didn’t know if we already had some and I didn’t want to get more if we had some,” Mary spouted off frantically, slamming the front door behind her and racing towards the kitchen, obnoxiously large purse hanging off of her black pants suit.

I sat on a leather recliner staring at my reflection in our ’80s TV set that I haven’t willingly turned on in weeks, plucking away aimlessly at my banjo, creating disjointed, fragmented dissonance. This $700 banjo is the only perk that has come from the tax breaks I’ve had the past couple years.

“Are you even playing anything or are you just hitting strings?” Mary asked me as she looked through the refrigerator.

I paused for far too long before saying “it’s bluegrass” in a dryly sarcastic manner, aware that she wouldn’t know that I was being a smart ass.

“Well it sounds stupid no matter what it is, are you even going to learn how to play that thing or is it just another waste of money?” she added, also unaware of the fact that I’ve been able to play for years. Also unaware of the fact that I’m completely satisfied out of my banjo proficiency. Also unaware of the fact that even messing around with it brings me more entertainment than anything else around me.

I ignored her and continued hitting random strings trying to tune out everything around me by losing myself staring into a powerless TV set.

This is why I volunteered to work nights.

There’s something wrong when you can easily spend hours and hours without thinking coherent thoughts. Some external stimuli that cause you to shut down and even though you hate inaction you don’t even realize or care that you’re literally doing nothing.

Two years of marriage, and this banjo is all I have to show for it.